Our Inauguration
January 20th, 2009
Security is tighter than the pants of a pervert sniffing bicycle seats as millions have shoe-horned themselves into our nation’s capital today to witness the swearing in of our 44th President, Barack Obama. Concerns over crowd control haven’t been this high since Liberace played Fire Island back in the 60’s.
What better way to mark a historic event than with a souvenir? Cafepress.com is selling the “Barack Obama Classic Thong”. Thankfully, these purists have taken the high road opting for the “classic” design as opposed to the crotchless, tear-aways that sold out during Clinton’s inauguration.
It was 22 degrees outside with 8 inches of snow on the ground when Kennedy was inaugurated on Friday, January 20, 1961. To clear the snow, the Army used flamethrowers – to this day still the most impressive and creative use of executive power, what a bad-ass! Not only did JFK have “meetings” with the dubious Dr. Feelgood at the White House and introduce Marilyn Monroe to his Presidential "staff", he used heavy artillery to shovel his driveway.
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1.2M
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The previous attendance record for a presidential inauguration was Lyndon B. Johnson in 1965. Various sources have this record being shattered by Obama with estimates ranging from 2 to 4 million people. That is a lot of packed public restrooms, or as Senator Larry Craig would say, “Jackpot!” |
As to the Presidency, the two happiest days of my life were those of my entrance upon the office and my surrender of it.
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Martin Van Buren (US President 1837-1841)
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It is believed that Guy Ritchie echoed these same sentiments recently in divorce court.
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Acritochromacy
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noun. 1. color blindness
Too much emphasis has been placed on Obama’s race instead of his leadership skills. Most importantly his leadership on the basketball court – the man can straight up hoop. Instead of slicing on golf courses, our new Commander and Chief will be slicing through defenses in pick up games. He doesn’t drain putts, he drains threes. How cool that when the next NCAA Men’s Division 1 basketball champion visits the white house Obama can scrimmage with them?
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The observance of new beginnings opens the door to new opportunities. As our country is witness to such a historic moment, the future awaits with much anticipation. While time will tell regarding the next four years, we respect the decision you made today to roll with us. Thanks for being a part of our inaugural launch. Your feedback is always welcomed and encouraged. Here’s to new beginnings. |
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