Peanut Butter Recall

What do Peter Pan, Famous Amos and the Keebler Elves all have in common?  Their nuts are contaminated and killing people.  This time, however, it doesn’t appear to be Little Debbie’s promiscuous peddling that is the cause, but rather a vast product recall by The Peanut Corp of America in Blakely, GA.  

Most of products using peanuts processed out of this plant consumers can live without, but no peanut butter??  Why not just tell kids Elmo died?  It’s hard to tell who is pained more here, celery farmers or the millions of kids lugging boring lunches to school.  Not a whole lot a kid can barter for with a threadbare jelly sandwich. 

This is almost haiku like.  What Chuck is saying is that even the things you most enjoy in life lose their appeal when your heart is broken.  Nothing funny here, just giving props to the prophet in the yellow zigzag t-shirt. Hope you’re happy “little red-haired girl”, you heartless temptress.

Since cooking facilities were scarce during the Civil war, Confederate troops boiled the peanuts – an important nutritional source – over campfires by the side of the road.  That’s why, to this day in most Southern states, you see countless roadside stands selling peanuts by the bag.

It aint just for eatin’!  Bust out your favorite jar of brown stuff for these non-traditional applications.