A-Roids

Alex Rodriguez  -

February 10th, 2009

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Watching Madonna shatter coconuts during her kegel exercises is intimidating, but playing major league baseball at a consistently high level? Well, that was just too much. Yesterday, MLB All-Star Alex Rodriguez admitted that the constant pressure to be the best drove him to use steroids while playing for the Texas Rangers from 2001-2003. Not since Ellen DeGeneres announced she was gay has the world been so stunned.   

$44.99
The cost of a Pete Rose’s ”I’m Sorry I Bet On Baseball” grey hooded sweatshirt (which he sells on his website).  For $19.99 you can also get the Tonya Harding “Take That, Bitch” crowbar.

I’d always have grease in at least two places, in case the umpires would ask me to wipe one off. I never wanted to be caught out there with anything though, it wouldn’t be professional.
Gaylord Perry, two-time Cy Young Award winner, five-time MLB All-Star and Hall of Famer on his penchant for throwing doctored balls. 
 

Albert Belle, a proponent of the corked bat, had his stick confiscated by tipped-off umpires during a game in a 1994.  Knowing that the umpires could not examine the bat until after the game, the team sent pitcher, Jason Grimsley, through a crawl space in the ceiling to switch out the bat under suspicion.  The plan may have worked if it weren’t for the broken ceiling tiles and the fact that the replacement bat belonged to teammate Paul Sorrento. Belle was suspended for 7 games.

Ya Don’t Say – Other Cheaters
Danny Almonte – Baseball, lied about his age to play in the Little League World Series
Ben Johnson – World record sprinter, steroids
Floyd Landis – Cyclist, performance enhancing drugs
Frank Gifford – Former NFL great,  airline stewardess Suzen Johnson

By coming clean early, A-Rod just got one step closer to being just like Jose Canseco: juicer extraordinaire and former love jockey to Madonna.       

 

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