Michael Phelps

February 3rd, 2009

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What is it with Olympic athletes putting long cylindrical objects in their mouths?  First Greg Louganis, now Michael Phelps.  By the time you read this, every late night talk show host will have used every other joke in the book regarding Phelps and his pot use (the calories he eats, his lung capacity, etc…). So we thought it appropriate to make fun of innocent Greg Louganis.  Sorry Greg, it’s a cruel world.

Phelps busting some lettuce is not the story here, rather where did he get that killer bong?  The makers have got to be thrilled with the clarity of the photo.  They should market a Phelps bong: The Snorkel. Their slogan: “Forget the water, who’s got the gold?” Give us a call Madison Ave. 

$6.2billion

Amount of revenue marijuana sales would generate annually were it taxed like alcohol or tobacco.  That is a pretty nice piece of cheese the government could use to do more studies on methane gas released from cows.

I don’t know. I never smoked AstroTurf.

New York Mets Hall of Famer, Tug McGraw, when asked if he preferred grass or artificial turf in 1974. According to all around tattooed mess Amy Winehouse, AstroTurf is not half bad.

Doobie (slang)

noun.     1. Marijuana cigarette, a plump joint.

Supposedly the term originated from the baby boomer generation kid’s show Romper Room, where the good children were called the "Do-Bees."  Also popularized by seventies hit-makers, The Doobie Brothers.

Cannabis Sativa, aka marijuana, has been used for centuries as a popular pain killer and sedative.  However, the introduction of the hypodermic needle slowed the use of cannabis in the mid-1800’s as it is not water soluble.  During the Civil War, wounds were so horrific that soldiers needed a faster acting numbing agent.  Injecting Morphine became the treatment of choice and opiate addiction became known as “the soldier’s disease” following the war.

J-Daters

Barack Obama – Inhale to the Chief
Micheal Bloomberg – Excelling at business and pleasure
Al Gore – Invented the Internet while burning one
Newt Gingrich – You knew this guy couldn’t be a total dick

The only person to get lambasted in all this should be the d-bag that ratted Phelps out and sold the picture to the British press. After all, the thing that made the story of Achilles so interesting was his heel.
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Michael Phelps, 9.0 out of 10 based on 4 ratings