Not So Booty-licious
Somali Pirates -
April 15th, 2009
Thinner than Karen Carpenter and more trigger-happy than Phil Spector, Somali pirates are becoming quite the pestiferous swabbies. Just days after US snipers rescued Capt. Richard Phillips from three gun-toting hijackers, more rail-thin ruffians captured four ships yesterday taking more hostages. Attacked in the busy shipping lanes of the Gulf of Aden, most vessels draw an average ransom of $2M. Chances are these cats aren’t going to see a dime.
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78
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The number of ships Somali pirates have attacked this year. They have hijacked 19 of them. What are they doing with the others? Looking for a snack or sandwich or something? |
Merchant and pirate were for a long period one and the same person. Even today mercantile morality is really nothing but a refinement of piratical morality.
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Friedrich Nietzsche
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khat
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Native to East Africa and the Arabian Peninsula, this flowering plant is a favorite among Somali pirates for its stimulant effects. The leaves can be chewed or dried and smoked. When abused, the plant produces an ecstasy-like high. Used moderately, it alleviates fatigue and reduces appetite. Perfect for pillaging the high seas if you forgot to pack your lunch while loading your AK47.
In January, Disneyland officials fired four Captain Jack Sparrow lookalikes hired to stand in front of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It was reported that several female park guests were flashing Johnny Depp’s pirate ego. Imagine being seventeen, stoned as all get out, wearing a pirate outfit and quoting the movie, then… KABLAAM! Thank you Walt Disney! This truly is the happiest place on Earth.
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Pirates? Really? Pirates? It’s two thousand flipping nine! Gas up a few Black Hawks and be done with it already. |
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