Pigs Fly? No, Swine Flu!
April 28th, 2009
Used to be that the worst thing a sow could do to a farmer was bite him while he was trying to mount her. Now, pigs infected with a strain of influenza A can transmit the virus to humans, who can then pass it on to other humans. It’s called swine flu, and it is spreading through Mexico City like crabs in a co-ed dorm.
More than 75 cases have been confirmed worldwide, prompting the World Health Organization to raise its pandemic alert level to a four. The highest level, six, means, “Oh dear God, we’re all gonna die!” Not since the early-90s LAPD has there been such concern about infected pigs.
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The settle price of pork bellies yesterday, April 27, as traded on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. Trimmed and frozen bellies are traded in 20-ton units. Why should people care about pork bellies? When was the last time you enjoyed scrambled eggs with a side of soybeans? |
I am very proud to be called a pig. It stands for pride, integrity, and guts.
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Former President Ronald Reagan
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Word up, Ronnie! We’ve been called pigs a few times ourselves, and we’re certain that’s exactly what the young ladies meant.
Porky Pig debuted in 1935 with the voice of Joe Dougherty, who had a real stutter. Mel Blanc (Bugs Bunny and others) replaced Dougherty two years later, as Dougherty had trouble controlling his speech impediment. That’s wickety-wickety wack!
Sick as a Dog
| Chicken Pox | Contagious skin rash with an incubation period of 10-21 days |
| Mad Cow | A fatal bovine brain and spinal-cord disease, or grocer-speak for cheap rib eyes |
| Elephantiasis | "Big balls" should only be used figuratively |
| Horse’s Ass | Diagnosed solely by angry wives and cured by withholding sex and hiding the remote |
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Earthquakes, drug wars, swine flu…Mexico City, here we come! |
