Giddyup!
The Kentucky Derby -
May 1st, 2009
While it may strike some as odd, or perhaps even quite shallow, few things in life are more exciting than drunkenly wagering on a game of chance while wearing a seersucker suit and surrounded by hot chicks in goofy hats. The 135th running of the Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, and watching the horse you’ve got money on in a tight race get whipped with a riding crop as he victoriously crosses the finish line is a high greater than saving homeless pets.
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The number of roses used in the making of the garland draped over the winning horse. This is how the Derby got its nickname, "The Run for the Roses," and was also the inspiration for Dan Fogelberg’s 1980 hit song of the same name. Conversely, Glenn Danzig’s song "She Rides" has absolutely nothing to do with horse-racing. |
When a jockey retires, he just becomes another little man.
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Eddie Arcaro, jockey and five-time Derby-winner
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That’s not true, Eddie. Now hop back up there and do that Oompah-Loompah dance.
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Mint Julep
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1. The official cocktail of the Kentucky Derby.
Easy to make, easier to drink. Take a highball glass or julep cup, toss in some sugar, a few sprigs of mint, and some crushed ice. Muddle and let sit for a few minutes, then fill the rest of the glass with crushed ice and pour in bourbon. Pressed for time? Try the commuter version: chew a stick of Doublemint gum, then do a shot of Maker’s.
The Derby is run only by Thoroughbreds, a breed of horse known for agility and speed. The first Thoroughbreds were created in 17th-century England by mating a native mare with an imported Arabian stallion. Be on the lookout for a group of Tennessee Walkers, Missouri Fox Trotters, and Peruvian Pasos who may picket this year’s event, protesting its "breedism."
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While we don’t promote gambling, we do like the long shot, Atomic Rain, besting the rest on a muddy track. Or go with our absolute lock of Heidi and Spencer looking like dipshits again this year. |
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