Remember the Time

Michael Jackson 1958-2009  -

June 26th, 2009


The first time I saw Michael Jackson moonwalk, I remember thinking, "Oh my God, Jesus is black!" Nerd, punk, jock, burgeoning white supremacist, it didn’t matter — there wasn’t a kid in school who didn’t own Thriller. Michael had Eddie shred on "Beat It," danced with badass zombies in a killer video, and dated Brooke Shields. The man could do no wrong. Then things went shithouse crazy.  

Michael started carrying Emmanuel Lewis around like a Cabbage Patch doll, took his chimp, Bubbles, to award shows, and started dressing like a hip-hop Liberace. He changed noses like pants, became best friends with Elizabeth Taylor, and built his very own theme park behind his house. Weird? You bet your Elephant Man bone collection. But Michael’s music was — and still is — nothing short of phenomenal. 




The amount one of Jackson’s iconic bejeweled white glove sold for in 2006. The original was to be auctioned off in April 2009. The auction was canceled. Who knows what the world’s most bitchin’ oven mitt will go for now?



I just wish I could understand my father.

Michael Jackson


Meaning "I dance" in Duala, an African language

Michael famously used an iteration of the word in his song "Wanna Be Startin’ Something," when he chanted, "Mama-se, mama-sa, ma-ma-koo-sa" near the end of the track. Timmy McCanter, you were right, my friend: he is not singing: "mama said mama saw keep my socks on." Apologies for the beating.



Michael has a patent for the antigravity lean. The technique was debuted in the "Smooth Criminal" video. Jackson created the move using specially constructed shoes that allowed him to lean forward at an impossibly sharp angle. Michael never filed a patent for another classic move, the upward scrotal tug.

The List

Off The Wall

Hired Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, John Landis, and John Singleton to each direct at least one of his videos
Voiced an escaped mental patient in an episode of The Simpsons under an assumed name for contract reasons
Spoofed by Weird Al Yankovic three times ("Eat It," "Fat," "Snack All Night")
Proved drinking Pepsi could make even young Carlton dance like one cool SOB
The Bottom Line

Michael Jackson: an imperfect man, nonpareil entertainer, and forever the King of Pop. 





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