They Are the Champions, My Friend

LA Wins Riot  -

June 16th, 2009

Watching this year’s NBA championship was like viewing the Janet Reno sex tape.   Sure, there were some exciting moments and the occasional outstanding physical feat, but in the end, it wasn’t really that enjoyable to watch. Even the postgame riot was a snoozer, and this is LA we’re talking about! Damn you, Orlando Magic, if you’re going to knock out LeBron and the Cavs in the Eastern Conference finals, at least have the common courtesy to take the championship series to a seventh game.    On behalf of hoops-loving, couch-riding, beer-afarians everywhere, we ask you: What in the hell do we do now? 

Numbers

1

The number of NBA team vice presidents that have posed in Playboy. That person would be the lovely Jeannie Buss, daughter to Lakers owner Dr. Jerry Buss and girlfriend to Lakers coach Phil Jackson.  

Quote

I just hope when I get to be his age, someone will pull a cigar from my mouth and insert an oxygen tube to allow me to breathe and think clearly.
Lakers coach Phil Jackson in 2003, in response to Red Auerbach saying three titles is not a dynasty. 

Auerbach had the most titles (nine) as an NBA head coach until Phil Jackson won his tenth on Sunday.

Words
dactylioglyph

noun.     1. engraver of rings or gems.  

The Lakers will receive their championship rings in a pregame ceremony before their first game of the 2009-10 season. They are picked by many to repeat as champions in 2010, when Phil goes for one for … his "magic" johnson. 

Fact

The Los Angeles Lakers were originally known as the Detroit Gems. In 1946, they were sold to a pair of businessmen from Minneapolis, who relocated the team and changed the name to Lakers, after Minnesota’s nickname "Land of 10,000 Lakes." The team moved to Los Angeles in 1960 and, for lack of imagination, kept the Lakers name, confusing young fans and geography students for years to come.

The Bottom Line

Still thinking about that Janet Reno sex tape, aren’t you?  Sick bastard.  Thankfully, one does not exist.