Yes We Do!
The Joy of Wedding Season -
June 19th, 2009
Whether you’re tuxed up front and center or sitting in back with an open collar, it’s wedding season, and love is in the air. One of the most beautiful things about witnessing the blessed sanctity of holy matrimony is quaffing the exciting variety of intoxicants meted out at the reception. No booze at the wedding? That’s what the regrets card is for, brother. Fire that baby off faster than you can say "fruit punch." It doesn’t matter whether it’s a live band or a 50-year-old deejay playing "Hey Ya" for the millionth time. What does matter, however, is getting your ass on the dance floor in time to witness Tits Malone flopping out of her strapless bridesmaid’s dress.
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$6.9B
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Amount of money spent on wedding gifts in 2008, per The Wedding Report. Giving cash avoids purchasing something the newlyweds neither want or need. It also keeps you from shelling out for the Viking range the happy couple actually had the balls to put on their wedding registry. |
Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
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Antoine de Saint-Exupery, French novelist and author of The Little Prince
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Like, say, when you’re behind your loving wife, both naked and watching the same adult film together.
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hypergamy
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noun. 1. Marriage into a higher caste or social group.
See Jessica Seinfeld and/or Kevin Federline — or was it Britney that married up?
At age 47, Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman began dating 13-year old model Mandy Smith, with her mother’s consent. Six years later, Bill and Mandy married. Following their divorce a year later, Bill’s 30-year-old son Stephen married Mandy’s mother, 46, making Stephen a stepfather to his former stepmother.
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Looking for love? Hook up with the maid of honor. Need a lift to Pound Town? Introduce yourself to the divorced aunt with the dolphin tattoo. |
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