Archive for October, 2009

  • TTP | Don’t Fear the Reaper (Happy Halloween) -- Oct 30th
    How great is Halloween? You have to love a holiday that involves the gluttonous consumption of sweets, vandalism as a consequence for not getting a free hand-out, and being able to finally dress up in...

  • TTP | Welcome to My Spaceship (Scientology A Fraud?) -- Oct 29th
    Earlier this week, a French court convicted the Church of Scientology of fraud after two rubes complained they were coerced into buying vitamins and literature after having their feelings read by a magic...

  • Back to the Well (Liam Gallagher Announces Return) -- Oct 28th
    Nearly eight short weeks after his older brother Noel unexpectedly quit Oasis, lead vocalist and lager-lapping limey Liam Gallagher has dusted himself off and announced he is eager to get back onstage...

  • Picked Off (Fired for Sex) -- Oct 27th
    What happens when a 22-year-old female production assistant puts herself in a scoring position? If you're Steve Phillips, you whip out your bat and rush her mound. Phillips, a former baseball analyst for...

  • Mind If I Powder My Nose? (Bernie, Blow, and Babes) -- Oct 23rd
    Normally when you hear about someone ripping a line of blast off a stripper’s pudenda you imagine the members of Motley Crüe backstage on the Too Fast for Love tour. However, if you worked...

  • Off the Reservation (Spirituality Gone Wrong) -- Oct 22nd
    For some, a 36-hour outdoor fast can reveal the pathway to transcendental bliss. For others, it sounds like a really sh*tty way to spend 36 hours, and worse — $9,000! Earlier this month, spiritual-financial...

  • Appetite for Instruction? (Ocho Cinco iPhone App) -- Oct 21st
    Apple’s deft doodad, the iPhone, just got a step closer to perfection when it was announced that Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco has his own app. For those users hoping to pick his...

  • The Myth of Icarus (Balloon Boy Busted) -- Oct 20th
    UFO buff and storm chasing enthusiast Richard Heene (please, call him Dick) has done the impossible. In a matter of days, he has unseated Jon Gosselin as the biggest fart of a dad on TV. Thinking worldwide...

  • Join Us and Change The Face of Men’s Health -- Oct 19th
    Think you need muscles? A beach house? Magnum P.I.’s 308 GTS Ferrari? Erroneous on all accounts, gentlemen! All you need to do to win a fair maiden’s attention is to harvest a fanny duster...

  • Short and Blue Curlies (Marge Simpson’s Playboy Cover) -- Oct 16th
    Playboy reveals a comely Marge Simpson on its pages today. The pioneering periodical of prurient interest and the blue-haired housewife go together about as well as Miss Piggy and a sex tape — but...

  • da Vinci da Scovered (Experts Identify Painting) -- Oct 15th
    We’ve all felt the faint sting of the one that got away. For some, it might be the prude girlfriend that blossomed into a libidinous Hollywood vixen. For others, it might be the German painting they...

  • (Un)Holy Cow! (Are Burgers Bad?) -- Oct 14th
    For most Americans, enjoying a juicy hamburger is an unalienable gastronomic right. For others, the risk of E. coli contamination has caused them to bag the burger from their diets altogether. The movie...

  • This Blows! (High School Breathalyzer) -- Oct 13th
    Teetotaler or tippler, it won’t matter. If you are a teen in Foxborough, MA you may soon have your breath tested at school—and not just for Funyuns and Yoo-hoo. The school board in the small...

  • Lonely Wangs (Chinese Chicks in Short Supply) -- Oct 9th
    In an effort to slow China’s bursting population growth, government officials in the late 1970s concocted a policy of one child per family. Because traditional Chinese culture favored males, this...

  • Another Vacation (Hollywood Remakes) -- Oct 8th
    After decades of living in agonizing uncertainty, moviegoers are finally going to find out what actually became of Rusty Griswold as an adult. New Line Cinema — the dynamic minds that so graciously...

  • So Hungry, They Could … (Equine Eats) -- Oct 7th
    Many of us have watched enough cop shows on TV to know that the phrase “carving up horse” means cutting heroin. But if you’re a patrolman in South Florida, you also know it means the...

  • Nobody Rides for Free (Letterman Extorted) -- Oct 6th
    David Letterman has come clean on TV that he didn’t always keep it in his Worldwide Pants. Yes, railing a few loose birds on his show was regretful behavior, but Letterman’s use of self-deprecating...

  • Head Games (2016 Olympic Bid) -- Oct 2nd
    Organizers in Copenhagen say that over a billion viewers will be tuning in from around the globe today when the International Olympic Committee (IOC) finally announces which city will host the 2016 Summer...

  • Out of this World! (Clown Cruises The Cosmos) -- Oct 1st
    Snorkling off the reef of a private island? Enjoying fresh rhino filet at the base of Mount Kilimanjaro? Maybe if you’re a lowly millionaire — but if you’ve got billions busting out of...