Appetite for Instruction?
Ocho Cinco iPhone App -
October 21st, 2009
Apple’s deft doodad, the iPhone, just got a step closer to perfection when it was announced that Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco has his own app. For those users hoping to pick his brain, ruminate on his musings, or track the whereabouts of this much-ballyhooed NFL prankster, transcendence and enlightenment are now only $4.99 away. Many league purists knock Ocho Cinco and his antics — and yes, the man can make a Fiat stuffed with circus clowns look like an elite roundtable at the Cato Institute — but, the dude has mad skills on the field to back up his hi-jinx.
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Lengths by which Ocho Cinco beat a thoroughbred horse in a furlong (220 yards) race — after he was given a 110 yard head start. The race was for charity. But a 110 yard start? That’s like entering the octagon against Brock Lesnar after the dude’s taken 110 head shots. |
I know a couple people who could beat Michael Phelps right now. Seriously, I’m telling you. And I’m one of them.
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Chad Ocho Cinco
Gotta love the confidence, the swagger, the self-promotional savvy. |
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Disport
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verb. 1. To amuse oneself in a light and frolicsome manner.
Before a 2004 game with the in-state rival Cleveland Browns, Ocho Cinco sent each of the starting defensive backs a bottle of Pepto-Bismol lest they feel the effects of his sick moves. They didn’t. The Browns held Ocho Cinco to three receptions and no touchdowns — and won the game.
Genuine Characters
| John Riggins | NFL Hall of Fame running back for the Washington Redskins who once drunkenly told Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor: "Come on, Sandy Baby, loosen up. You’re too tight." He then passed out on the floor. |
| Darryl Dawkins | NBA player who claimed to be from planet Lovetron where he spent off-season practicing "interplanetary funkmanship". |
| Mark Fidrych | MLB All-Star pitcher who would talk to baseballs and occasionally throw balls back to the umpire that had “hits in them”. |
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We love and need you, Chad! The No Fun League (NFL) and the old school regime may not be down, but it’s time they "kissed the baby." |
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