TTP | Gobsmacked!
NYC Heroin Guide -
January 6th, 2010
Ol’ Hitler and Jeff Dahmer are blowing the dust off their hockey skates as hell continues to get a little closer to freezing over.
Fearing their heroin-addled homeless and smack-addicted Gothamites may be using their illegal drugs improperly, New York City’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has put together an illustrated guide for safely shooting junk. Because when a heroin addict is sitting in squalor in a drug den tapping out a vein, the first thing that crosses his mind is, “You know, some instructions would have really been helpful. I’ll keep this in mind at the voting booth.”
|
1.3%
|
Percent of Americans that have used heroin in their lifetimes. Meanwhile, nearly half of all Americans over the age of twelve are consumers of alcohol. The outrage over this heroin pamphlet is clear: the same money could have been used to teach kids how to tap a keg. |
I had someone at the Houston police station shoot me with heroin so I could do a story about it. The experience was a special kind of hell.
 |
|
|
Dan Rather, American Newscaster
|
 |
With tactile reporting like that Dan, we hope you never had to cover a story on prison rape.
 |
rig
|
|
noun. 1. Street slang for a heroin user’s paraphernalia used for injection.
Heroin was primarily developed as a morphine substitute by the German drug company Bayer in 1895. Originally believed to be non-addictive, the drug would soon have the highest rate of dependence amongst its users. The good news: less morphine clogging our streets and clubs.
Weird Guides/Manuals/Instructions
| The Japanese Wii Safety Manual | Good food, cool gadgets, crazy bastards. |
| How to Rob a Bank | Cha-ching! Kevlar vest recommended. |
| How to Shave Your Junk | Rule number one: Don’t have Parkinson’s disease. |
| How to Build Your Own Trebuchet | Yeah, we’ll get right on that after a trip to the mead hall. |
| How to Break Up with Someone | In case “I’m gay” or “I’m pregnant” don’t work. |
 |
When local government gives instructions to its citizens on how to perform a potentially deadly and illegal activity, you gotta wonder who is selling the drugs to whom. Want the straight dope on using junk? Listen to the Godfather of Soul right here. |
loading...
