TTP | The Ozzman Whizeth
Ozzy at the Alamo -
February 19th, 2010
Ye who have not defiled a national monument with your urine cast the first stone.
Twenty-eight years ago today, Ozzy Osbourne’s dyslexia got the best of him when, instead of remembering the Alamo, he relieved his member on the Alamo. On the morning of February 19th, 1982, after slamming a bottle of Courvoisier, the self-proclaimed “Prince of Darkness” left his hotel room in search of more booze. Since his wife and manager Sharon locked up his clothes to keep him from leaving, the hammered head-banger put on one of her dresses and darted out the door. The rest, as they say, is piss-tory.
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Daily quota of car horns Ozzy was required to tune at a car plant, according to a 2002 Rolling Stone interview. It was Ozzy’s first musical job. Is your car horn in tune? |
I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o’clock in the morning dressed in a woman’s evening dress sober.
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Ozzy Osbourne
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juxtaposition
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noun. 1. Placing two ideas, words, or images side-by-side so that their closeness creates an original, ironic, or insightful meaning.
Example: Madman Ozzy (seen here cooking bacon) lived next door to squeaky clean Pat Boone for three years. In spite of their polar opposite backgrounds and musical styles, they were friends.
After being fired from Black Sabbath in 1979, a dejected and depressed Ozzy was found binging on coke and booze in an LA hotel room. Sharon Arden (Black Sabbath manager Don Arden’s daughter) told Ozzy that, if he got it together, she would manage him. Three decades and 37 million records later, they have three kids.
Is it any wonder why women are called “the better half”?
But What a Singer!
| David Bowie | Was convinced that Satan was living in his swimming pool. After a cocaine-induced haze, he had an exorcism performed. David, you moron. Satan hates chlorine. |
| Elvis Presley | Once telephoned Jimmy Carter to complain that the singer was being “shadowed” by “sinister forces.” Those were your middle-aged female fans, brother. |
| Brian Wilson | The LSD user spent three years in bed convinced Phil Spector was going to kill him. Dude, you may have been onto something. |
| R. Kelly | Forget monuments … this dude allegedly relieved himself on a minor in a homemade VHS tape. Thankfully, he didn’t have to drop a deuce. |
| Ike Turner | Filled champagne buckets with coke and offered his guests to imbibe upon arrival. Wow, how do you get that kind of money from one cover of “Proud Mary?” |
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He may be from England, but we’d still like to claim Ozzy as an American treasure. Learn more about one of the most fascinating front men of all time and pick up a copy of Ozzy’s autobiography I Am Ozzy, currently #4 on the New York Times Bestseller list. |
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