TTP | You’re So Vain
Lilo’s Lawsuit -
March 11th, 2010
Delusional thespian and part-time lesbian Lindsay Lohan is so upset over an E*Trade commercial that she is suing the financial services company for $100M for pain and suffering. Lohan believes the ad spot negatively depicts her—a smoking hot, red-headed diva—as a cute, chubby baby. A stretch, you say? Hardly. In the commercial, the baby’s name is also Lindsay. It gets worse: the baby is said to be a "milk-aholic."
Wow, we knew about the drug and alcohol arrests and rehab, but who knew Lohan was hooked on moo juice too? Good thing the baby in the commercial wasn’t sucking on a rubber nipple and doing blow, or Lohan might have a case.
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20M
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Daily page views New York Magazine’s website received the first three days in January 2009 when they posted a sexy photo shoot of Lohan recreating poses taken of Marilyn Monroe. Lohan was not paid. In September of 2009, Playboy offered the actress, model, singer, and designer $900,000 to pose nude. She declined. |
She has to begin to build the foundation of a
life that’s got stuff in it, not just celebrity.
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Jane Fonda,
discussing Lohan on Larry King Live
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jackanapes [jak-uh-neyps]
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noun. 1. A conceited or impudent person. 2. A mischievous child. 3. A great way to get banned from the primate exhibit at the zoo.
Before the release of Herby: Fully Loaded in 2005, Disney decided that Lindsay’s rack was too spectacular for her character to portray in the family film. Lohan’s bust size was digitally reduced in every frame of the film, making the movie suck even more.
Lohan(tourage)
| Michael Lohan, Sr. (Father) | The former actor, minister, and youth counselor did two years in prison for various probation violations after getting a DUI. He also shopped a show about his family while he was estranged from them. Later on, he tried to sell private recorded conversations with Lindsay to the media. |
| Dina Lohan (Mother) | Rose to fame as Lindsay’s manager. Claims to be a former Rockette, has dabbled in acting, and launched her own shoe line called “Shoe-han.” |
| Ali Lohan (Younger Sister) | Starred in the reality series Living Lohan alongside her mother. The 17-year-old sometimes acts as club companion to her big sis. |
| Jenni Muro (Lindsay’s Assistant) | Claims that she doesn’t get paid enough for all her work. In a "leaked" conversation with Lindsay’s father, Jenni insists that Lindsay is suicidal and that she tries to “save [his] daughter’s life everyday.” |
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She’s crazy, but hot. Unpredictable, yet talented. Dated Fez and enjoyed Sam’s fuzz. In the end, say what you will, but you’d give your left nut to party with her. Insane lawsuit notwithstanding, Lindsay has proven, in spite of it all, she has a great sense of humor. |
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