TTP | WTF, TTP!?
Justin Bieber -
April 29th, 2010
Mint juleps at 6:00 AM on Derby Day, free balling in a rented tuxedo, dating a chick named Pandora … we've been known to do some stupid shit. Today is one of those days. Enjoy!
Every five or six years, a bubble gum idol breaks out on the pop music scene like a bad case of freshman acne. The prized pimple of the moment is 16-year-old helmet-haired warbler, Justin Bieber. When not closing down shopping malls and inciting prepubescent girls to riot, Justin works out his painful white kid dance moves under the tutelage of his main man Usher down in Atlanta. The amazing thing about Bieber is that he wasn’t discovered in a singing contest or on a TV show, but rather by YouTube videos his mother posted of him singing.
What does this mean? It means we will never drunkenly tell our 12-year-old niece that she can pick a TTP topic for us ever again.
[What do you think about ... teen idols?]
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85M
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I was basically banging on everything
I could get my hands on.
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Jesse James recollecting Charlie Sheen’s pool party
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Correction: That was Justin Bieber discussing his “percussion” skills on his mother’s pots and pans at the age of two.
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coiffure
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noun. 1. a style manner of arranging the hair. Etymology: French from coiffer, to arrange (hair); from coife, from Old French.
Used in a sentence by a 16-year-old bully that takes French in high school: “Man, that kid’s coiffure is gay.”
Bieber is the only artist to have seven songs from a debut CD on Billboard's Hot 100 chart. Whatever. When we were 16, we could ride a wheelie the entire length of the high school.
When the Bubble Pops
| David Cassidy | This Partridge Family pretty boy is still kicking ass and taking names. Pick up his 2007 release, Part II: The Remix [Limited Collector's Edition] for $1.88 new on Amazon.com. |
| Leif Garrett | The “I Was Made For Dancin’” songsmith finds time to pop up on clip shows like VH1’s I Love the '80s in between stints in jail for drugs and possession of strange forehead scabs. |
| Tevin Campbell | The multi-platinum R&B teen sensation blew up in the early 90s then disappeared after a few records. Busted for solicitation, this NarcAnon member most recently surfaced in the musical Hairspray in 2005. |
| Aaron Carter | This kid crooner who took on songs of enormous emotional heft was nailed for owing more than $1M in back taxes. Dude cried after getting booted off DWTS last season. Nuff said. |
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We ain’t hatin’, just congratulatin’. Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Usher, and countless others say this kid is the real deal. Only time will tell. After suffering through this painful piece with us today, please take a moment to shake off the willies and truly ROCK! |
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