TTP | The Bread of Life

Jesus Toasters  -

September 17th, 2010


For those who have dreamt of smearing preserves all over the Son of God's face, grab your butter knives, 'cause your day has come.

Thanks to the radiated heat technology of the Jesus Toaster, you can now get your daily bread toasted with the mug of the Messiah. There's no word from the Vatican yet on whether or not the toaster and a box of Franzia is a suitable alternative to Sunday Mass.

Buttering up the Lord's likeness may seem fatuous, but some will see it as a neat way to turn an otherwise insignificant morning routine into an affirmation of their faith. To them we say, Bon Appetite!

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Amount the online casino Golden Palace paid for a ten-year-old, partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich that bore the likeness of the Virgin Mary.

We think it could have went for $30K if it had tomatoes on it.



Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, 'Take, eat; this is my body.'

Matthew 26:26


noun.     a psychological phenomenon where a random stimulus (usually an image or sound) is mistakenly perceived as recognizable.

Examples include seeing animals in the clouds or hearing messages in records played backwards.

Great news for Paul!



In 1896, a series of sermons by Charles Sheldon were published in the book In His Steps: What Would Jesus Do. It has gone on to sell more than 30 million copies.

In 1989, Janie Tinklenberg, a youth minister in Holland, Michigan, passed out bracelets with the initials W.W.J.D to her youth group as a way for them to remember Sheldon's maxim. Tinklenberg did not immediately copyright her idea, and despite the bracelets' popularity she says she's never made a penny from them.


The List

Where's Jesus?

Food Jesus has been spotted on an array of culinary chow, including Cheetos, bananas, and Marmite. Sounds like a balanced diet to us.
Beer Forget wine, even J.C. knows it's best to wash down our food with a cold brewski.
X-Rays A Phoenix man's dental X-rays produced an image of Jesus. That's some high quality floss.
Space In April 2002, the Hubble Space Science Institute released photographs of the Cone Nebula, which was soon dubbed the "Jesus Nebula." At 2,600 light years away, the Cone Nebula proves Jesus is everywhere.

Profiting off the Good Shepherd is nothing new, and it's no sin to earn a buck.

Are we hankering for some Holy toast? Sure, as long as it was slathered with one of these.


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