Archive for February, 2011

  • TTP | One Scoop or Two? (Chest Cream) -- Feb 28th
    The trickiest part for most adult breast milk enthusiasts is finding an engorged donor with some time on her hands and an extra large privacy blanket. No more! An enterprising ice cream shop owner...

  • TTP | Awwhelltotheno! (Baked Goods Beat Down) -- Feb 25th
    A Florida woman was thrown in the clink this past weekend after she chased her roommate with a pair of scissors, then beat her with a board and a sign after her roommate ate a box of Thin Mint Girl Scout...

  • TTP | Have a Stroke and a Smile (Deadly Addiction?) -- Feb 23rd
    Like most addictions it started off innocently enough. Our friends were doing it. It was cheap and easy to get, and we enjoyed the pep it gave us and its supposed slimming effects. Occasional use turned...

  • TTP | Blinded by the Light? (Bulb Brouhaha) -- Feb 21st
    You know those curly hippie light bulbs that are dimmer than a birthday candle when you turn them on and get brighter than an Asian 4th grader in a spelling bee five minutes later? Well, we're...

  • TTP | Delta Delta DOH? (Feline Cryogenics) -- Feb 18th
    Do you know a gal with a shaved puss? You may want to tell her to think twice before flying Delta. Last month a hairless kitten named Snickers froze to death in the cargo hold of a Delta airplane after...

  • TTP | Firepower & Brimstone? (God and Guns) -- Feb 16th
    When we were kids the biggest challenge in church was holding our laughter when the deaf guy farted during the prayer. Fortunately back then we couldn't get pistol whipped. If a Georgia minister gets...

  • TTP | Dancin’ to the Oldies (Nursing Home Cupids) -- Feb 14th
    Forget the stories about abuse and neglect. The real problem with most nursing homes today is the shortage of peckers, and we're not talking about the birds with pointy beaks. Today, women outnumber...

  • TTP | Big Pimpinellifoliae! (Valentine’s Day) -- Feb 11th
    For the most part they smell wonderful. Even the weird looking ones are strangely appealing. And if you choose wisely, you can eat a few. Flowers. Mother Nature's way of saying "whatever,...

  • TTP | That’s NOT What She Said! (Prophetic Quality Control) -- Feb 9th
    The cash cow’s teats may soon be drying up for all soothsaying charlatans in Romania. Politicians there have drafted a bill that would give officials the power to fine or jail any “witch”...

  • TTP | The Wrath of Grapes (Hangover Hatred) -- Feb 7th
    If you’re like us, you spent last night quaffing Port wine while playing Stratego with an autistic prostitute. Of course, not everyone can be as worldly, cerebral, and empathetic to sex workers...

  • TTP | A Different Kind of Prison Cell (How Many Bars?) -- Feb 4th
    When it comes to prison smuggling, few faux pas are greater than discovering you've forgotten to turn the ringer off on the cell phone you've just rammed up your ass. That move of course is...

  • TTP | Power to the People (Egyptian Empowerment) -- Feb 2nd
    We know two things about Egypt: one, don’t kick a fresh camel turd on a hot day in the Sahara, and two, if you’re a despot you have about 30 years to rule until the people get sick of it. Yesterday,...