Archive for March, 2011

  • TTP | Red Rocker Revealed (Sammy Hagar) -- Mar 30th
    Sammy Hagar is like tequila. You either really dig the man, or you don't care for him much at all. In his new book, Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock, the former lead singer of Montrose and Van Halen...

  • TTP | A Poorly Dealt Deuce (Dog Waste) -- Mar 28th
    One of the great joys of having a dog is letting it freely sh*t wherever it pleases and not picking it up. Sure it only takes a few seconds of your time, but why fiddle with a plastic bag when your...

  • TTP | H-E-Double Hockey Sticks! (Who Goes to Hell?) -- Mar 25th
    It's Friday, a day we always enjoy covering something light and fun. Hey, let's talk about Hell. The Bible is to Christians as the U.S. Constitution is to politicians, embraced but fiercely...

  • TTP | A Weighty Issue (Bus Safety) -- Mar 23rd
    City buses can be like rotund, flatulent hookers. An economical option when you're desperate for a ride, but remarkably unpleasant when you're stuck behind one. As Americans have grown in girth,...

  • TTP | Spoon Fed (Plot Subtitles) -- Mar 21st
    Unless you are a mouth-breathing stooge, most of the plots served up on network television today are easier to follow than a naked playmate on a pogo stick dropping hundred dollar bills in her wake. Other...

  • TTP | Blood from a Stone (ATM Fees) -- Mar 18th
    If you’re like us, you stay awake at night hoping and praying that the poor banks somehow find a way to make more money. Sure we’re rocking the Velcro-strapped, no-name sneakers from Walgreens,...

  • TTP | Beauty and the Brute (Scarlett & Sean) -- Mar 16th
    Attention all irascible 5’ 8” self-proclaimed bad-asses with a proclivity for smoking: you still officially have what it takes. Your gruff demeanor and ability to be unimpressed by everything...

  • TTP | Hell and High Water (Tragedy in Japan) -- Mar 14th
    Mother Nature can be a thoughtful and giving matron of scenes both beautiful and pastoral; she can also be an unforgiving and execrable whore. As if the 8.9 earthquake in Japan wasn't deadly enough...

  • TTP | Lepre-Conned? (Early St. Pats) -- Mar 11th
    Saint Patrick's Day is not until next Thursday, but when it comes to celebrating the life of the pious miracle worker who spread the Gospel throughout Ireland, it is never too early to get sh*t-canned...

  • TTP | Never Say Die! (Super Dog) -- Mar 10th
    It's not the size of the dog that gets gassed, but the amount of gas in the dog, or something like that. All dogs may go to Heaven, but a three-month-old puppy in Oklahoma wasn't ready to go...

  • TTP | A Great Remembered (Bukowski) -- Mar 9th
    Most of the fluff offered in the world of arts and entertainment barely merits a nod or a shrug. That is why when a person finds a writer, artist, band or filmmaker that strikes an emotional chord with...

  • TTP | Get Entertained (Invitation Only) -- Mar 8th
    There's nothing worse than paying top dollar for concert tickets only to have your date refuse to get on your shoulders and rip off her top during the encore. Paying through the nose for concert,...

  • TTP | Snookered! (Rolling Stone Jumps Shark) -- Mar 7th
    There are certain notable achievements in pop culture that carry a particular cachet: hosting SNL, appearing in a Simpsons episode, and being on the cover of Rolling Stone. That's why when we saw...

  • TTP | Screwed! (Suspended for Scoring) -- Mar 4th
    If there is one thing you don't do at Brigham Young University (besides swear, drink alcohol, use tobacco, drink coffee or tea, or ignore standard grooming habits) it's pound pissers. Center...

  • TTP | Winning! (A Blemish on Sheen?) -- Mar 2nd
    How bonkers is Charlie Sheen these days? Brother Emilio Estevez could take a sh*t at Ground Zero wearing a smagh while blowing a vuvuzela, and no one would care. The unhinged actor's recent spate...