Archive for May, 2011

  • TTP | See more. Spend less. (Sponsored) -- May 31st
    One of the most difficult parts of attending a professional sporting event is calculating how many days you can forgo food to cover the cost of the ticket.  Thanks to our friends at ScoreBig.com,...

  • TTP | Lack of Communication (A Daughter’s Love) -- May 27th
    If you wanted to get shot with an arrow in the old days all you had to do was cut a fart in a Cheyenne warrior’s teepee. Today, you simply take away the cell phone of a 15-year-old girl in Tahuya,...

  • TTP | In a Galaxy Far, Far Away (Star Wars) -- May 25th
    34 years ago today our lives changed forever. Not just because we sh*t our Garanimal corduroy shorts in a movie theater, but rather because we saw a bunch of Sand People lay a beat down on Luke Skywalker...

  • TTP | What Are These Pretty Lights? (Turn Signals) -- May 23rd
    Would you like to become a better person today? Here's an idea: Use your mother fornicating turn signals! When it comes to driving few things are more infuriating than waiting and waiting to make...

  • TTP | Lenny Bruce is Not Afraid (Doomsday) -- May 20th
    Crap! We totally forgot to tell you that the world is ending tomorrow. Yeah, we know, "Thanks for the heads up, TTP, we haven't even booked our Taiwanese sex vacation yet." Trust us, we're...

  • TTP | Just Plain Ugly (Kid Pageants) -- May 18th
    Did you know that every time a five-year-old wins a beauty pageant a stage mom gets a big ole pimple on her fat ass? It’s true.  In what some are saying was a publicity-grabbing hoax, some...

  • TTP | Pull My Finger! (Olfactory Assault?) -- May 16th
    What a gas! Two 13-year-old kids in Ohio were suspended last week from riding the school bus due to their proclivity for passing gas amongst fellow passengers. With the boys' actions being called an...

  • TTP | Ode to the Ordinary (Average is OK) -- May 13th
    Some cat told us this week that he only buys the best for himself and expects the best. We chuckled. It's been said that the cream rises to the top, and while we agree, we also believe there is...

  • TTP | Lawlessness on the Links! (Flogton) -- May 11th
    There are only two things that keep us from playing more golf than we normally do: One, it's a drag when the ranger makes us put our shirts on, and two, we suck. God bless the good folks at the...

  • TTP | Money, It’s a Gas! (Fuel Prices) -- May 9th
    You know gas prices are high when a coin toss determines whether you’ll be road tripping to hammer “Banana Tits” Labramowitz this week or delivering fresh linens and insulin to your ailing...

  • TTP | Ladies We Love (Happy Mother’s Day!) -- May 6th
    This weekend millions will gather to celebrate one of the most important days of the year, but enough about the Kentucky Derby. Sunday is also Mother's Day, folks, and you know what that means:...

  • TTP | Better Late than Never! (bin Laden) -- May 4th
    Sometimes it's best to go slow and take your time. Like, say, trimming the grass around your tree, analyzing a four foot putt or perusing the line-up of available strumpets at the Mustang Ranch. When...

  • TTP | Death of a Laptop (E-Waste) -- May 2nd
    Computers are like chicks: just when you figure them out they either run off with some rich prick in a Porsche Cayenne, or develop a nasty, relationship-ending virus, making it impossible to enjoy them. After...