TTP | Paradise Lost?

Disney Aulani  -

September 12th, 2011

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Natural waterfalls, majestic beaches and stunning sunsets notwithstanding, let’s be honest… Hawaii is seriously lacking.  

Yeah, yeah, the food is incredible, the climate is seductive and the geography is jaw-droppingly beautiful, but at the end of the day how many delicious mai-tais, helicopter rides, scuba excursions and smoking hot hula girls can you enjoy before you say to yourself, “Man, if only Mickey Mouse were here?"

Thank God for the magnanimous dream wranglers at the Walt Disney Co. who have selflessly identified Hawaii’s numerous shortcomings and benevolently given us their new resort, Aulani Resort & Spa. Why deal with authentic indigenous experiences when you can dig on carefully concocted island encounters around a man-made cove? Shaka bruddah!!

[Join the conversation about ... Disney Aulani.]

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Numbers

$1B

Amount Walt Disney Company has dumped into saving their disappointing theme park, California Adventure, which opened in 2001.

What did they miss? No homeless on a fake Sunset Strip.

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Quote

Disneyland will never be completed.  It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.

Walt Disney

Words
off the shelf
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adj.     slang term in the amusement park business for rides that are not specifically designed for a park, its aesthetic or creative vision.  

For the first time ever Disney used off the shelf rides for California Adventure when the park originally opened.

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Fact

Hawaii is the most isolated population center on Earth. It is 2,390 miles from California, 3,850 miles from Japan and 4,900 miles from China.   

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The List

Future Disney Projects?

Disney Gettysburg It’s one of the bloodiest and most sacred battlegrounds in Civil War history, but really, what kid needs to hear all that talk about state’s rights and slavery when he can  listen to Donald Duck quack the Gettysburg Address?
Disney, The Detroit Experience That’s not an abandoned manufacturing facility turned crack house for squatters and violent criminals. It’s a ha/ha happy fun factory spewing smiles and pixie dust. Forget joining the mouseketeers kids, time to get jumped in to Gang Mickey.
Disney Heaven After a life well-lived you're now chilling in eternity with Jesus and family mem.., "Holy sh*t! Is that Goofy and Pluto?” Thought it was tough getting into the pearly gates? Wait until you see the line for halos with mouse ears.
Disney’s Princess Oasis Sleeping with prostitutes is for reprobates. But hammering the ever living dog snot out of Ariel in the Poseidon Suite at this nifty Nevada brothel? Pretty doggone terrific. For an extra thou, invite Snow White and dwarf to join the party.

We've got no beef with Disney.  In fact, we're down with the House of Mouse, but Hawaii?  

We're thinking Mickey and company would play better in a state that could use a little tourism boost, like say, South Dakota.

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TTP | Paradise Lost? (Disney Aulani), 6.3 out of 10 based on 4 ratings