TTP | Uncanny!

Bra Betterment  -

November 4th, 2011


For most men, they’re an afterthought, something hastily tossed on the floor or out the window of a fast moving Greyhound before the joy of juggling commences.

For women, they’re something that not only supports them, but can literally shape who they are. Rumored to have been created 100 years ago by legendary breast man Otto Titsling, the brassiere has taken on more iterations than any other garment.

Recently a high-tech over the shoulder boulder holder has been created by two motorbike and high-speed train designers. Supposedly it's the best bra ever. We’re hoping that means it unhooks just by winking at it.

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Amount of money spent annually on bras. Eighty percent of women wear the wrong bra size.

Wow, that’s a sh*t ton of money being spent to do something incorrectly. Speaking of Congress…



I was the first woman to burn my bra – it took the fire department four days to put it out.

Dolly Parton, country singer, theme park owner, Crypt Keeper’s dream date


noun.     bra in which the back straps criss-cross between the shoulder blades providing ultra support, a.k.a. jog bra, flopper stopper, or in German keepsemfromfloppin’.

This bra is far different than the “pointer sisters” style.



Professional fitters suggest that when a woman slips into a bra she should bend over and situate her breasts in the cups. Common sense dictates when a man helps a woman out of her bra he avoid screaming, "Bada Bing!" or "Shazaam!" 


The List

For the Ladies (TTP Bra Tips)

While it’s sometimes cool if your bra and panties match, it’s never necessary.
Unless you are an athlete, NEVER wear a padded bra. No one likes to be lied to.
Men only like cartoons on TV or in the funny pages.
Fancy material is fine, but no elaborate clasps. What are we, locksmiths?
The only thing you should ever own that is pilled or discolored is an old Flintstone vitamin.

We too have been working on inventing the most comfortable and perfect brassiere. So far all we have is just a nipple-less sling that holds a six pack.

No matter our shortcomings in lingerie styling, we’ll always drink with class.

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TTP | Uncanny! (Bra Betterment), 9.5 out of 10 based on 4 ratings