TTP | The Wrath of Grapes
Hangover Hatred -
July 19th, 2012
TTP will be back in September. Until then, we'll be sending out some of our more or less popular e-mails on publication days (Tues/Thurs). See you in a few weeks!
If you’re like us, you spent last night quaffing Port wine while playing Stratego with an autistic prostitute.
Of course, not everyone can be as worldly, cerebral, and empathetic to sex workers suffering from neural disorders as we are, so you probably did something cliché and went to a Super Bowl party instead.
No big deal. Chances are we’re equally hung over today. Cool if we chase these Bayer with a sip of your Gatorade?
[Join the conversation about ... Hangovers.]
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$148B
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Annual cost of lost job productivity (absenteeism, poor performance) in the United States due to hangovers per a study published in Annals of Internal Medicine. It is unknown how many of those conducting the study were hung over themselves. |
I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.
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Margaret Cho
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Interesting. We’ve always thought hot wings go better with beer than coke.
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congeners
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noun. toxic chemicals produced as by-products during fermentation.
Congeners are believed to be the cause of most hangovers. Liquors containing congeners include brandy, cognac, bourbon, champagne and red wine. White spirits, such as vodka and gin, contain less congeners.
Taking a pain reliever containing Acetaminophen following a drinking binge can cause liver damage. This is good to know, as most alcoholics are health nuts and are very concerned about what they put into their bodies.
(Un)Proven Cures
| Bloody Mary | Because without vodka, would you ever really drink tomato juice or eat celery? |
| Rabbit Turd Tea | The cowboys believed it worked. Of course, they also poured whisky into open wounds. |
| Pedialyte | Has more electrolytes than Gatorade. It also has a teddy bear on the label. |
| Grease | No idea how a movie starring Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta is supposed to alleviate hangovers. |
| Oral Sex | Effective only if receiving. Otherwise, a crimped neck stifles blood flow. |
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There are no guaranteed cures for a hangover other than not drinking at all. Of course, since that is no fun, you’re due a headache with a side of cotton mouth from time to time. |
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