TTP | Soda Jerk?

Comical Claim  -

October 23rd, 2012

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We here at TTP don’t pretend to be the authority on exceptional parenting, but we’re pretty sure if we discovered booze in our teen’s soda bottle and he said that’s the way it was when he opened it, we’d laugh, say "nice try" then threaten to take his bong away for a week if he didn’t come clean.

Well it’s happened. A 13-year-old in Shoreline, WA is claiming he "discovered" whiskey in his Mountain Dew bottle after opening it. The best part… his naive, nincompoop of a mom believes him!   In fact she is furious,  promises to no longer buy Mountain Dew ever again, and may even sue.

What are the chances this innocent young man’s mother will be shocked by his girlfriend’s virgin birth in a year or two?

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Numbers

72%

Of high school students admit to having used alcohol prior to their graduation per SADD.

Duh!  Especially when soft drink makers are putting booze in their products. Don’t get us started on the spice company that has been lacing our oregano with pot.

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Quote

Discipline doesn't break a child's spirit half as often as the lack of it breaks a parents heart.

Anonymous

Words
implausible
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adj.     not having the appearance of truth or credibility.

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Fact

Originally, Mountain Dew was the nickname for whiskey, especially bootleg whiskey. Mountain Dew soft drink contains no alcohol. However, its creators, Barney and Ally Hartman, originally bottled the lemon-lime soda to be mixed with whiskey.

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The List

Mountain Don’t

Pepsi claims Mountain Dew can dissolve a mouse.
Loaded with high-fructose corn syrup. (Mountain Dew contains 45 grams in a 12 ounce can, or as much as 11.5 teaspoons of sugar.)
Yellow 5 food dye can cause food allergies and behavioral problems in children.
Brominated vegetable oil is banned in over 100 countries. Used as a flavoring in the Dew.
Mountain Dew mouth competes with meth mouth when it comes to white trash dental supremacy.

We don’t recommend lying to your parents, but kids, if you are going to do it, at the very least don’t insult their intelligence.

Hey, who wants a flask for their Mountain Dew?

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TTP | Soda Jerk? (Comical Claim), 6.8 out of 10 based on 4 ratings