Thinking About… Ring Etiquette

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Thinking About… Ring Etiquette

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  • Cookie

    I think an engagement ring should be given back if there is a break-up. If I don’t want you anymore, I certainly don’t want your damn broke-ass ring.

  • Lynn

    I think you should not come across as portraying women as money-grubbing, greedy control freak Bit**es. To quote you:

    “It’s enough that so many chicks these days insist on a specific carat size and picking out their own ring”

    These women are not the norm. They ARE greedy and shallow. But most of us aren’t like that. I don’t want a ring that costs over a grand. It’s a waste of money.

    And BTW… DON’T call guys “men” and call US “chicks,” JERKS.

  • f.n.

    i was married once & nevr asked for rings back. threw mine in the pacific ocean afdter divorce. later engaged, gave a jade ring (she was Chinese & helped select design) & let her keep ring after i brike off engagement. next time bought a diamond (snall) & when she broke it off, demamnded ring back & had a nice turquoise ring made for myself. 3d & last engagement gave “my love” a chrome Harley part that fit her perfectly. let her keeep it & have remained disengaged since.

  • Donna

    Most woman now adays make more than men and are pulling more than their fair share financially and otherwise. I say give back the ring and buy yourself an even bigger and better right hand ring!

  • Lisa

    An engagement ring is a symbol of the love & commitment two people share in a relationship. If the relationship is over, why would you want to keep a reminder of it? If you are more in love with the ring than the man, need to do some serious soul searching…and do everyone a favor…stay single until you figure it out.

  • robin

    #2 Lynn —
    Agreed!
    Agreed!
    AGREED!

  • Patrick

    As someone who has had their engagement broken off, I felt I should chime up here. She was considerate enough to give the ring back but now I have had it for three years and do not know what to do with it. I tried to sell it on ebay and on consignment. I was not able to get even close to the value for it. I am not willing to take too much of a loss on the thing. Any suggestions?

  • emily

    It’s very simple.

    If she breaks it off, she gives the ring back.

    If it’s mutual, whomever paid for the ring gets to keep it.

    If he breaks it off, she gets to keep the ring.

    End of story.

  • Bon

    Have it redesigned into a ring for yourself.

  • Alyse

    I totally agree with Emily.

    And Lynn and Robin up there shouldn’t even be reading TTP if she can’t appreciate gender humor. Give me a break.

  • kirsten

    first of all, a small history lesson. the engagement ring was a transfer of money, and was a SAFEGUARD for the bride to be. it was her insurance policy. in the event the cad broke it off to chase after a richer woman, (or died before the wedding) she had the ring to sell.
    the ring was a promissory note. he was basically handing her something to hock if he broke it off, or they fell on hard times later.

    therefore, by law for some time, and by custom..
    if SHE broke it off, she had to return the investment/ring.
    if HE broke it off, she kept the ring for breach of contract

    now currently? thats still the rules in every etiquette book, however it does show a bit of style (and an independent income) to give the ring back even if he breaks it off.

    oh, and usually this webpage is funny, and even handed….. what happened?
    if you are going to refer to all women in an article as chicks, why are you not refering to the men as “guys”?

    and why depict a woman who has any say in the ring she will likely be wearing for life as being greedy?

    i certainly told my husband when we got engaged, i told him what kind of ring i was willing to wear, and what kind of stone. i also told him that if he bought me a diamond i would never wear it.
    i guess i am greedy to want a ring that is my metal color (silver, i dont wear gold), and a stone i will wear?

  • Rose

    I totally agree with #8 Emily and #10Alyse

  • Aaron
  • Pollyanne

    what’s the big deal with the ‘chick’ thing. Really, is it that big of a deal? No wonder they don’t aren’t seeking female readership. Sensitive, geez. The ring business is interesting, but betrothed maiden seems a witch. As much as the growing up Disney princess in me wants to want a diamond is just too much of a human price to pay. Watch Blood Diamond and you may want to change your mind. Our rings are pounded silver with custom engraving- straight from Etsy.com $90 each. We rock.

  • Kelly

    It is a pity that people don’t consider etiquette when breaking up. I will never marry because it is not the institution that it once was. You used to be able to arrest a spouse for adultery. Since the vow no longer means anything, I don’t see the need to make it. I’ve seen that piece of paper break people up who have been together for 10 years or more as boyfriend and girlfriend. As soon as the paperwork was done, they treated it as an ownership contract and that ruined the relationship. I have happily (mostly) lived with my boyfriend since 1995. We’re still living together and perfectly content. If I want a diamond, I will get it for myself. As far as others are concerned, I would feel that the reason for the breakup should determine who keeps the stone. There should never be one rule if there are multiple factors to consider. I personally think it best if the one proposing marriage chooses the ring for the romance of it, but he (or she in this enlightened time) should consider that it is supposed to be worn by the person to whom it is presented. That person needs something that suits their body and wardrobe. If the recipient’s moods and styles are not so easily determined by the one making the proposal, some input should be given. However, if the one making the proposal doesn’t know the one to whom he (or she) wishes to become engaged, I don’t think it will work out as well as it could if he (or she) knew their betrothed better. If the ring chosen is unsuitable, is the one to whom you are betrothed suitable?

  • Eric

    Men do get the equivalent of a diamond ring. It’s called “Head.”

  • Michael

    An engagement ring is a contract and nothing less. If the split is his fault, oh well; but if she causes the split, legally, she MUST return the ring or she’ll have a judge give it back for her as well as all of HIS legal costs.

  • Tia

    I agree with Emily with one addition: keep it and then sell it if he breaks up with you.

  • Old Igor

    The whole ring ordeal seems to be tied to money, not emotions, etc. If you want the ring back that bad, then steal the damn thing.

  • Jen

    Personally, I kept mine. He had decided that he no longer had to help with the household bills, decided he was allowed to pull an Al Bundy when he was laid off collecting unemployment and sit on his ass watching TV w/ his hand down his pants all day while I worked. I would come home and hear whining the SECOND I walked in the door “What’s for dinner? You’re late, I’m SO hungry!” and wouldn’t help around the house either with cleaning or what not.
    I told him he could either step up or leave. He opted to leave. He asked for the ring back, I told him no. Pawned it. I got $400 less than what he paid for it…but the way I figure, that was my due for him not helping with bills and sitting on his ass.