Thinking About … Soccer

There’s a reason why most Americans tune out when Soccer is happening. nnAs Westerners, we’re an instant-gratification culture. We like hard hits, high scores, and lots of conflict. This is why Football has replaced Baseball as the American pastime. But even Baseball has more going on than Soccer. nnSoccer is like a lot of things Europeans appreciate: Deliberate, measured, and uneventful in lengthy stretches. It’s like the way Italians eat, or the English have tea. It requires patience, a virtue more or less bred out of Americans.nnHowever, in our defense, Soccer also has its fair share of issues. Eurotrash pretty boys flouncing around in shorts. The sort of officiating that would make even NBA refs blush. And delicate gents taking the sorts of eye-rollingly obvious, over-dramatic dives that used to require the involvement of Don King. We’re used to seeing a quarterback get slammed to the grass by a 6’5″, 350-lb. defensive lineman every three plays, and then get up and throw the next half of the game with a sprained thumb. nnSo, there’s really no winning on either side. Soccer is slow and boring, and American sports are brutish and cater to short attention spans. Largely, this is why I go to the movies instead.

Ugly’s got it pretty much straight on. But I grew up playing soccer in the fall and still love it to this day. Wish there were some twist to finally get it prime time for Americans.